PAULIE'S UNDERWEAR

I was halfway through "The Pelican Brief" (the book - not the movie) when a quick passage tickled my funny bone. The President and one of his subordinates are considering their options regarding nominations for two vacant supreme court justice positions when the henchman reports "the FBI has checked his underwear and he's very clean."

Now why would that be funny to anyone? Here's your answer: Just two days after Paul Manafort exited my cell at MCC (to go back to Laretto from where he came), I chose a Chinese guy to be my new bunky. He wasn't exactly the perfect choice (nobody in prison is), but MC was intelligent, college-educated and computer-savvy. Good enough. Additionally, MC was so good at washing and folding laundry (pardon the stereotype) that he appointed himself laundry orderly, which meant everybody (or most inmates) came to him to have MC wash and fold their laundry in exchange for a payment of two mackerel packs.

Predictably, and considering what a swell Paul Manafort is, he hired MC to do his laundry. Rather than pay MC outright, Paul waited a week (to MC's consternation) and then regifted kitchen food another inmate had given Paul (to gain his favor no doubt) in payment. How's that for cheap? But then again...haven't I read somewhere that one of Paul's friends is a regifter, too?

Anyway...to the point of the story. After Paul's exit, MC revealed that Paulie's skivvies had skid marks! Eww! "A little too much information, MC!" Not only was Manafort's underwear dirty figuratively...but literally as well. Now you know why the "Pelican Brief" passage made me laugh.

A year in prison at MCC was quite an experience. And not one without value as it turned out. Raise your hand if you can definitively say that if you take MC at his word, it would appear that Paul Manafort either didn't know how to wipe his ass properly or did a lot of wet farting! Not a lot of hands raised, I'd imagine.