HE SAW IT COMING

After pleading to tax fraud and promotion of prostitution (the second charge was questionable while the first was undeniable), and going to prison for a year, I find a hole in my life left without all the associations and friendships of practitioners in the escort industry I used to enjoy (or suffer depending on the day).Whether or not that's a good thing is irrelevant to the following.

What's called a phone girl in the business (what it sounds like, a girl who answers the phone for an escort or house) found my number and called to say hey. Like me, she doesn't work in the business anymore. But she had a news tidbit of general interest to those who know about Ron Jeremy, his legal situation, and standing in the adult community.

"Guess who I did," she effervesced within a minute or two of my answering the phone. "Ron Jeremy!" "Ah! Not a very exclusive club," I couldn't help but rib her. She continued telling me the story: Susie had been vacationing in Los Angeles when she ran into Ron at the Rainbow Room, one of the locations where he is said to have worked his magic on unsuspecting women who simply wanted an autograph.

Susie was not one of them. She wanted to see and play with the legendary goods. And she did in the romantic confines of a bathroom stall. I will spare you the details (which she didn't spare me but hey! Girls didn't mince their words with the ad man - which I was). But she did say one thing enlightening. Ron apparently, pushed Susie's boundaries. And not so apparently, he listened when she said no.

After their little episode (which Susie could forever brag about), Ron uttered these words as they departed: "I stopped when you said no, right?" She didn't think much of it at the time. But now, we both agreed that Ron was already looking for a witness. Which says to me he knew what was coming after he'd gone over the line with so many women.

I've heard Ron called a lot of things: Fat, smelly, entitled, cheap, and of course, hung. But nobody ever called him stupid. He was aware of the coming storm. And rain rain rain it will for the foreseeable future. He'd already seen the weather report and feared there's no umbrella big enough to protect him from the legal elements. A day late and a dollar shot is an adage that comes to mind.