Tuesday, June 23, 2020


OMG! If there was ever a bank you don't want to go near, BMO Harris wins the gold medal. What a total rat fuck. I am so relieved today to know that my money is back at HSBC.

As I'm sure I've mentioned earlier, I am in the stock market - a fact of life which does not make me comfortable. It wasn't really my idea. Once my portion of the seized money came back from the IRS, I vowed to put it all in 5 year CD's at banks. That would earn me more than I live on without eating into the principal. 

But no! My brother stepped in and told me I was nuts. I should use his broker, who told me I could make another 1.5% with no risk. And like the idiot I am, I believed him. The idea was to put my money only in at least A-rated bonds. And nothing else. It turned out he put half my cash in those bonds, and the other half in mutual funds and a few stocks which have been complete dog shit from day one.

After I got out of prison and dug into my finances, I came to realize what this mother fucker had done! And when the Covid era hit, I took a pretty serious beating financially. I wasn't happy. (And I'm still not.) Hence, all monies from maturing bonds, dividends, interest and proceeds from liquidated  mutual funds (5 of them at a 32k capital loss), I forwarded to banks which would give me a bonus. 

Everything went along smoothly (and I'm now comfortable in saying that 10% of my money is FDIC insured and not going to go up and down every day) until I decided to transfer some cash to a bank called BMO Harris, which is a big outfit out of Chicago that pays the highest interest rate in the country. And that's when the rat fuck began.

The online application required that I submit either a utility bill, drivers license front and back, or social security card. So I scanned my drivers license, emailed the images and one day later received my congratulatory email. I was accepted. So far so good. I went into the bank website, set up my online account, and transferred the funds I wanted to receive the higher interest rate.

A day later, I got a confirmation which said the funds had been successfully transferred and that they would show up in my account within 3 days. But three days later, when I tried to access my account, I was locked out. I called the help line and was told I had to submit all three forms of ID to a fraud detection email address. The guy on the phone offered no explanation for the change in policy and would not acknowledge that the money had successfully made it to my account. As you can imagine, this made me nervous. 

I sent in the three pieces of ID and waited. No response! Then I called again. They hadn't received my email (or so they said). And again, they wouldn't acknowledge anything on the phone about my money (which by the way was in the upper five figure register). 

On or about the 4th call, they finally acknowledged receipt of the three pieces of ID and emailed me "you're all set." I got into my account to see that 10 days after the transfer, my balance read $0.00. When I called back they were closed for the day. 

At that point, I decided I'd been scammed and scrutinized all the emails I'd received from BMO to see if any of them looked fake. They didn't. But who knows? Internet thieves are pretty good nowadays. Plus, some of the email addresses were for bmo.com, and others for bmoharris.com. This set me into a panic.

I went online to find "BMO Harris reviews" and read all the one star reviews. There I found a guy who'd experienced almost exactly what I had, complaining that his funds were lost until he discovered the transfer had been bounced back to the original funding account with no explanation. With heart in hand, I logged onto HSBC and bada bing bada boom...the money was back in the original bank. 

I couldn't have been more relieved if I'd just had the best session with the best hooker in New York City. I have enough to worry about with the fucking equity market. I didn't need to worry about a bank fucking me out of my money.

I wouldn't put a dime in that God-forsaken BMO Harris bank if you told me they were paying 10%. And I just thought I'd ventilate on my blog. Off to work.

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